Tuesday, September 30, 2008


i haven't really encountered the urge to post here lately...
not much is really new. christian found some work through a friend for a few days last week. gabby and i spent the weekend together while he worked saturday. he then he drove to pick up our new (to us) furniture on sunday. he spent over 6 hours in the car to do this. my dad moved and left a couch and love seat behind in the trek. since that house is now under contract for sale, we had an open invitation to have it. so- since we were lacking seating space, i begged and begged him to go get it for us! the first night with it in the house, we both fell asleep on our respective couches. it was nice.
the excitement of finding new daycare is underway. we interviewed 1 person today and will hit 2 more in the coming days. i'm hoping we'll have made our decision by next week so we can stop the hunt. unfortunately, we can't go with the girl from today. it sucks because i really liked her. the challenge is that she is friends with our 1st daycare lady who screwed us the first week on my new job. you can read about that here. they apparently get together with the kids on play dates and have a strong relationship. we are so disinterested in laura being a part of gabby's life that we can't hire this girl.
i'm also working out the plans for gabby's 1st birthday. not quite sure what this will entail, but i'm trying to keep it simple. gabby and i went to her friend sarah's birthday party on saturday. it was nice. kind of funny that gabby and sarah were the only children! they had fun together. gabby is getting to be such a big girl and is less dependent on me. she is able to play independently more often and will allow other people to hold her even with me in the room! i love that freedom! i was excited to go to the party so close to gabby's because i could learn by watching!
i'm doing well keeping my head out of the news and i'm trying to not get too aggravated over the economy and the elections. keeping my opinion out of here is probably a good idea, but it's difficult to not. i just have to say that this is not the low. we have not hit rock bottom yet. that's scary.
all we can do is enjoy what we do have and try to cut back on as much as possible. panicking is not an option. this too shall pass.
anyway- for those of you who are interested, that's the latest and greatest from my world.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

by the way- what wagon?

is it falling off the wagon when one fails to kick an addiction? well, then i fell.

at least i'm enjoying the ride

as a real estate closer during the big real estate boom, i was witness to many deals that should have never occurred. i feel somewhat guilty. i had no involvement in the sale of the horrible loans that some of our society fell victim to, but a level of guilt still exists. watching our economy fail is frightening. watching president bush explain it all right now is frightening. the thought of my daughter's future is frightening. something needs to be done. i've always battled faith. having the utmost faith in any one thing isn't something i do well. having to have faith in our political system and the idea that they can correct their errors scares the shit out of me. i can't figure out why issues can't be prevented rather than the insane attempt to correct it once they've proven to fail. did our government officials, who we are supposed to trust, did they not see this coming? i saw it coming. i, however, unlike the officials that we, the people, vote for, i am not in a position to even remotely know how to stop or correct it. we are so far in a hole that digging out just seems ridiculous. i guess we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride. throw our hands in the air and scream as the roller coaster takes the long, fast drop. and eventually it will stop and we'll get off the ride and be able to breathe again.

Friday, September 19, 2008


in between busy times at work today, i made quite a few attempts at talking to potential daycare providers. i left quite a few messages and only one person out of those messages i left has actually returned my call. i talked to quite a few people as well. out of the group i actually spoke to, only 2 have made an impression deep enough for me to want to load up the car and spend 20 minutes with them to try and decide if i want their help in raising my toddler.
you see, i have had some minor issues in the whole daycare process. i have no clue how daycare works in other states, but it seems as though the state of florida, or at least pinellas county, florida, doesn't cater to the young working parent. there are limited daycare centers that provide infant care to children under the age of 18 months or even 2 years. and if they do, they're insanely expensive. the in-home providers seem to be the ones who have found the jackpot on the industry. what this means is that we have to call (getting an extensive list of names from the licensing board) one by one. it's like cold calling. talking and deciding if we actually want to meet one of these fine ladies. we started last year with my calling in august for a baby due in october for care to begin in january for when gabby was about 8 weeks old. in august of 07, i was laughed at more times than not for calling so early. so i waited until i had a very miserable 6 week old to pound the pavement and find care. we interviewed the only 4 people we found in our area who actually had availability, because they are only allowed to have 3 infants in their care at a time. out of the 4, we chose the best of the rest.
for the first 4 months we thought everything was great! she gave us a report everyday that gabby had a great day. everything was perfect. gabby loved going there and squealed in delight at another little 4 year old there. she was, however, very cryie at home and i always thought i was doing something horribly wrong and that my child hated me! she was always perfect at daycare, so miss perfect daycare lady told me!
then i lost my job, gabby was home with me for 2 weeks and we had our first plane trip with her. we returned and when gabby went back to daycare, all of a sudden she was a hand full and miss perfect daycare lady had a meltdown and said she couldn't take it anymore. gabby was miserable and had been for the last 4-1/2 months and we needed to find someone else. this all happened during my first week at a new job. so, in a scramble, we found a new daycare provider. this women has been a godsend. we did, however, know when we chose her that she only takes babies from 0-12 months and that we'd have to be on the hunt all over again right before gabby's first birthday. so... here i am. doing it all again.
all i can say now is what a Pain In The Ass.

more to follow.
right now, i need sleep. and tomorrow is my day. MY DAY to sleep in. WOO FREAKIN HOO!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


so i'm at the grocery store today meandering my way through the isles in search of a few necessities to complete dinner. i come to the freezer section and see a perfectly fit women with her fairly young little boy propped up in the car seat affixed to the cart. he is quiet and sweet as she's examining the shelves. i am compelled to check out her tiny ass and slim body since she is clearly a new mom. hoping she doesn't notice, i slide by her and go about my shopping. later i find myself behind her doing the same thing again. i start to think that everyone in the store is watching. she approaches the checkout and i purposely enter the opposite line as to not cause her to file a restraining order. when the 90 year old women in front of me finally, after 3 attempts, enters her correct pin number for her debit card and exits the check out, it's my turn. the cute little number with the baby boy is now in the same stage of her check out process as i. the bagger asks how i'm doing. politely, i reply "i'm well, how are you?"
as i'm finishing my transaction, i hear "thank you for saying well. i am an english teacher and love to hear proper use of the word well"... i think- holy shit. she's talking to me, what do i do? we exchange a few words of how much we despise the misuse of our language. she said that i made her day.
she made mine. even though i almost left without my groceries.
i hope you are well. have a great night.

Monday, September 15, 2008

monday monday

the weekend was a nice relaxing one without having gabby home. we started out friday night with drinks and appetizers and ended with a local watering hole we used to frequent. needless to say we were home by 11:30pm. the best part was sleeping in until 9:30am on saturday. i am convinced that the lazier one is, the more tired. not that i'm not tired when i'm active, but being lazy provides me the time to think about being tired! we finally got moving around 3pm and hit the beach for a while. my white pasty skin was pink and pasty within 1 hour! i now will make it a point to slowly work on my tan in the coming months. saturday night was spent with a few friends who do not have children watching the FSU game and just hanging out like old times. by the time sunday came, i was tired from being child free and lazy! i had a great 1st anniversary of my 30th birthday. my in laws prepared a great lunch and treated me to a carvel ice cream cake, which has got to be the best ice cream cake ever made. ever. and seeing my girl was the best present.

unfortunately i didn't really feel too much better from the cough of my lifetime. i still have the congestion and the red eyes and the wheezing lungs. of course, that didn't stop me from giving in to the social cigarette or 2. i did really well friday. by sunday i had 2 of my own. by today i had 4. i really need to get my priorities straight: breathe or not breathe. hmmmm..... i must say that the not smoking has made a dramatic difference in my ability to breathe and i will keep that in the front of my brain as motivation to just not do it. baby steps.

christian is on the job hunt. he is being incredibly responsible in making contacts and be proactive rather than enjoying the break. we certainly are not in a position for him to take a break and i soooo appreciate that he recognizes that fact. keep your fingers crossed that he'll be employed soon so we can still pay for daycare. the mortgage and daycare are the main priorities! everything else can be postponed, with the exception of internet and cable... oh and cell phones... and electric and, and, and, and.... you get the picture!!!

while the weekend with out the baby was nice, i must say that walking into my in-laws house on sunday and seeing my sweet little gooey baby was amazing. she was so excited to see us and she snuggled and smiled and showed us that the love we know exists is really rewarding. sometimes it's so easy to forget the unconditional love that a baby has for his/her parents. it does become conditional, but right now it's still unconditional. those are the moments i hope to never forget.

she'll be going back for the monthly visit in october!

Thursday, September 11, 2008


did you see the episode of sex in the city where burger broke up with carrie on a post it? a similar scenario actually happened to a friend of mine. her boyfriend put a post it note telling her they were over in her laundry basket that she was doing at his house. she arrived home and was putting clothes away and found the note. shitty. just plain shitty.

well, a new one today.... getting fired by a fax. and not even a typed letter addressed to the person, it was a company form template with the employee info written in and a box checked termination. then signed. that's it. no call. no formal letter. no nothing. no answering phone calls. nothing. the sorry as mother fucker of a boss couldn't even go face up and explain it. so.... i am the primary bread winner at the moment and i don't make much more than poverty! needless to say, it's not a great day to be a non-smoker.

aside from that, things are well. when one door closes, another opens, right?

here's a few links i've been to today:

career builder

let's keep the baby happy


Wednesday, September 10, 2008

what day is it?

it's day three!!! day three of no smoking and day three of antibiotics. i will be in good shape by the weekend. WOO HOO! i went to work today, but i did leave early. i didn't realize how exhausting it was to not lay around the house. after gloating over my not smoking success, i did ask the girls to please advise me to get help when i put on 20 pounds. as i told my husband this story, he told be to drop and give him 20. i couldn't believe he meant that i'd already gained 20 pounds. it's only been three days! he, laughing of course, wondered at what starting point was the 20 to be measured.... i reminded him with a punch in the gut that i, ahem, had a freakin baby! the measurement starts now, not pre baby. that bastard!
so the moral of the story is that i must now join a gym. i have found that what i do rather than smoke is lay on my fat ass typing and scrolling the internet. productive, i know.
i laugh when people worry so much about not giving out personal information to anyone. i do a google search and can find old classmates, where they work, email addresses. if we want to, we could find anyone, for free, from our own homes. quite scary, but it simply is what it is. i say, if you don't want to be found, don't put yourself out there, right? i guess i don't care if i'm found. until i'm found by someone i don't what to find me. then i'll delete everything and try to start over!

i had a dream last night that i drove to our local voting facility for the presidential election. i got there and went into the church to cast my votes. as i approached, i had a panic attack and couldn't vote. fortunately it was on my way to work, so i had time to go back later. but i panicked because i had no idea who to vote for and i couldn't just vote. i woke up. now i need to do research. it's clear that my conscious is telling me to get an education and make a decision based on fact. not opinions of others. particularly the media. unbiased material has to be available. i was told to check out washington post online. i will do just that. in the meantime, i will get some rest. hopefully i will dream of a more delightful topic.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

i really am a moron

i was in bed until 11am today. my day consisted of laying on the couch watching tv, doing laundry, sweeping the floors and mopping. i felt awful when 4:30 rolled around and i had to go get goo from daycare. my head was throbbing, etc. you'd think that when provided with a sick day that i'd just take the sick day. my house was a disaster. i had to do it! i am feeling better than i had been. i think the non smoking combined with the z-pack and lots of rest is doing the trick. if only christian would do the same. then maybe our weekend of no baby will be enjoyable!
my coworkers have again advised that i take a day off tomorrow. 1 more day they said. i said i would prefer to be at work. unless they are telling me i can't come in tomorrow, i would be there at 8:30am. am i retarded? the boss says to stay home and i fight it to go in?!! retarded.
i've linked to this blog from myspace. i imagine that i will get little traffic from that link, but i never update myspace or even facebook, so i guess if i have them come here then i don't have to feel the need to update those sites. if people want to know, they'll read. so- hi to my friendly community website people. thanks for stopping by.

Monday, September 8, 2008


walking pneumonia. freaking walking pneumonia. seriously? well.... that makes sense. i haven't smoked a full cigarette since last night- not even sure what time. i tried to smoke this morning and just simply couldn't. i wanted to so badly but my body just rejected it. i could barely breathe. to the point of calling the doctor. i finally called a doctor. i went in at 2:30pm and they think i have walking pneumonia. i have antibiotics and i have a new inhaler. i plan to breathe tonight! i quit smoking. i am a non smoker. (here me convincing myself?) i feel better already.
so i call work at 3:30 to let them know that i will come back to close up shop for the day if they want and they told me not to bother. i received a call not too long after and they said that someone would open for me tomorrow so i could get some sleep. then a few minutes later, they called back to tell me to stay home. when i pleaded that i feel ok, i just cough a lot, they reminded me they don't want to get sick. so... i'm home tomorrow. i did think about the germ spreading thing, but it didn't really concern me since i've been going to work every day for the last 4 months. i have had this sickness for at least 2 weeks if not longer and now that i have antibiotics i get to stay home?! but hey.... a day off work. i'll take it and not feel guilty. i won't even feel guilty with that cute little baby being at day care all day. she doesn't need to be around my flailing germs!
a day to myself?!! wowwowowowowowowowow! i'm not sure what i'll do.

Sunday, September 7, 2008


any smoker knows that turning away a cigarette is one of the most challenging tasks ever. i have been smoking for almost 20 years. that is disgusting considering i'm only going to be 31. i have recently been considering a 3rd attempt to quit. my sister tried chantix (read about that here) and it has been determined that i will never try to quit using that method. so.... what do i try? this past wednesday i was home sick from work with this horrible cough that should be gone by now and it's not. wednesday i felt so awful i couldn't smoke. until about 4pm. i wanted to smoke all day, but hurt so badly that i just couldn't do it. since then, i haven't been able to just not smoke. it pisses me off. they are slowly killing me and i do it anyway. i know that i need to replace that hobby, if you will, with something more rewarding that won't ultimately kill me. something that i can do instead of smoking. the easy thing would be food. i can't turn to food or i'll get fat. then i'll have to lose weight and that's equally as hard as quitting smoking.

this weekend has come and gone. feeling horrible makes for an unpleasant 2 days off. we're very excited for next weekend. we've decided that in order for gabby to get to know her closest family members, she'll have to go stay with them for a weekend a month. her nana and pop pop are about 2 hours away and we don't see them enough. so one weekend per month (if possible) we'll be driving goo to their house on a friday and picking her up on sunday. it's great for us to have the alone time, as well. christian and i haven't had a date in months. baby sitters are so incredibly expensive and we are so much happier being at home that we just haven't made time for each other. i cannot wait for friday! so much so that the week will probably drag.

so.... here's to 1 day closer to the weekend.

Friday, September 5, 2008


you can put lipstick on a pig but it will still be a pig.

Thursday, September 4, 2008


mucinex is sooooo not my friend right now. i can't take meds. i never react well to any type of medication with the exception of tylonal. unless, of course, my goal has been to use drugs, that's a different post all together. one that may never make it here.
anyway... mucinex. so i go to work today. still sick. still coughing all over everything in front of me. of course every single person who comes in contact with me wants to give me their version of how i will miraculously get better. so... after much deliberation, i decided to try this magic pill called mucinex. i was told by about 4 people that i will feel no side effects and all it will do is losen the nasty mucus and help it dislodge from my lungs. well.... i really wasn't feeling too incredibly bad, but after the gooey baby went to sleep i decided to take the wonder drug and look forward to feeling great. much to my dismay, i feel worse. i currently am sitting in bed because if i lay down i will cough. i am sitting here with a tissue shoved up my nose so the mucus doesn't drip down my face like a teething baby. i am miserable and my cough is worse now than it was before.
so i have decided to give up the meds. i will make my body fight through whatever my ailment is and be strong. drugging the problem is not the answer. say no to drugs.

Happy babies make happy mommies and daddies

so a typical day after picking gabby up from daycare consists of her whining the entire drive home (with daddy behind the wheel trying ever so gracefully to keep her smiley) and arriving home hungry. daddy will entertain her and start feeding her until i get home to take over the taming of the gooey baby. today was an abnormal day. i was home from work early, which is always great, sick or not, so i picked her up. she sang songs the entire way home! she was happy! woo hoo! after we came in the house, she played chase the dog in her walker and was laughing from deep within. those deep belly adorable laughs that you see only on you tube and america's funniest home videos. she remained happy until i tried to feed her and she insisted to play instead. play, play, play.
happy babies make happy mommy and daddy!

Monday, September 1, 2008

Labor Day

i look forward most to days off of work. with pay. days off work with pay and time with the ones i love most. so when a holiday weekend arrives i am thrilled to get the most out of it. we spent labor day weekend visiting friends and family and ended the holiday with a trip to the aquarium. i really enjoy getting out of the house and giving gabby a new view of the world. finding fun things to do that will entertain her and keep us from going insane is a learning process! when our friends invited us to the aquarium, for FREE, i had to jump on it! we had a great time and the gooey girl loved every second.
now we're at wednesday and i have been in bed all freakin day with a nasty cough. i was up all night coughing and finally took cough medicine that kicked my ass. i am so sensitive to medication, so i never take it, so when i do, i'm done. needless to say, i feel a little better, but look forward to feeling great!
we're watching the storms that continue to form out in the atlantic hoping that our ring of good luck doesn't end soon. i wouldn't want to have to deal with a potential hurricane with 2 dogs and a baby to care for. let's hope they stay away and we quickly get to the fall weather!
first post down and hopefully more to come.
here's to blogger!