hmmmm

i haven't really encountered the urge to post here lately...
not much is really new. christian found some work through a friend for a few days last week. gabby and i spent the weekend together while he worked saturday. he then he drove to pick up our new (to us) furniture on sunday. he spent over 6 hours in the car to do this. my dad moved and left a couch and love seat behind in the trek. since that house is now under contract for sale, we had an open invitation to have it. so- since we were lacking seating space, i begged and begged him to go get it for us! the first night with it in the house, we both fell asleep on our respective couches. it was nice.
the excitement of finding new daycare is underway. we interviewed 1 person today and will hit 2 more in the coming days. i'm hoping we'll have made our decision by next week so we can stop the hunt. unfortunately, we can't go with the girl from today. it sucks because i really liked her. the challenge is that she is friends with our 1st daycare lady who screwed us the first week on my new job. you can read about that here. they apparently get together with the kids on play dates and have a strong relationship. we are so disinterested in laura being a part of gabby's life that we can't hire this girl.
i'm also working out the plans for gabby's 1st birthday. not quite sure what this will entail, but i'm trying to keep it simple. gabby and i went to her friend sarah's birthday party on saturday. it was nice. kind of funny that gabby and sarah were the only children! they had fun together. gabby is getting to be such a big girl and is less dependent on me. she is able to play independently more often and will allow other people to hold her even with me in the room! i love that freedom! i was excited to go to the party so close to gabby's because i could learn by watching!
i'm doing well keeping my head out of the news and i'm trying to not get too aggravated over the economy and the elections. keeping my opinion out of here is probably a good idea, but it's difficult to not. i just have to say that this is not the low. we have not hit rock bottom yet. that's scary.
all we can do is enjoy what we do have and try to cut back on as much as possible. panicking is not an option. this too shall pass.
anyway- for those of you who are interested, that's the latest and greatest from my world.

by the way- what wagon?

is it falling off the wagon when one fails to kick an addiction? well, then i fell.

at least i'm enjoying the ride

as a real estate closer during the big real estate boom, i was witness to many deals that should have never occurred. i feel somewhat guilty. i had no involvement in the sale of the horrible loans that some of our society fell victim to, but a level of guilt still exists. watching our economy fail is frightening. watching president bush explain it all right now is frightening. the thought of my daughter's future is frightening. something needs to be done. i've always battled faith. having the utmost faith in any one thing isn't something i do well. having to have faith in our political system and the idea that they can correct their errors scares the shit out of me. i can't figure out why issues can't be prevented rather than the insane attempt to correct it once they've proven to fail. did our government officials, who we are supposed to trust, did they not see this coming? i saw it coming. i, however, unlike the officials that we, the people, vote for, i am not in a position to even remotely know how to stop or correct it. we are so far in a hole that digging out just seems ridiculous. i guess we just have to sit back and enjoy the ride. throw our hands in the air and scream as the roller coaster takes the long, fast drop. and eventually it will stop and we'll get off the ride and be able to breathe again.

pita

in between busy times at work today, i made quite a few attempts at talking to potential daycare providers. i left quite a few messages and only one person out of those messages i left has actually returned my call. i talked to quite a few people as well. out of the group i actually spoke to, only 2 have made an impression deep enough for me to want to load up the car and spend 20 minutes with them to try and decide if i want their help in raising my toddler.
you see, i have had some minor issues in the whole daycare process. i have no clue how daycare works in other states, but it seems as though the state of florida, or at least pinellas county, florida, doesn't cater to the young working parent. there are limited daycare centers that provide infant care to children under the age of 18 months or even 2 years. and if they do, they're insanely expensive. the in-home providers seem to be the ones who have found the jackpot on the industry. what this means is that we have to call (getting an extensive list of names from the licensing board) one by one. it's like cold calling. talking and deciding if we actually want to meet one of these fine ladies. we started last year with my calling in august for a baby due in october for care to begin in january for when gabby was about 8 weeks old. in august of 07, i was laughed at more times than not for calling so early. so i waited until i had a very miserable 6 week old to pound the pavement and find care. we interviewed the only 4 people we found in our area who actually had availability, because they are only allowed to have 3 infants in their care at a time. out of the 4, we chose the best of the rest.
for the first 4 months we thought everything was great! she gave us a report everyday that gabby had a great day. everything was perfect. gabby loved going there and squealed in delight at another little 4 year old there. she was, however, very cryie at home and i always thought i was doing something horribly wrong and that my child hated me! she was always perfect at daycare, so miss perfect daycare lady told me!
then i lost my job, gabby was home with me for 2 weeks and we had our first plane trip with her. we returned and when gabby went back to daycare, all of a sudden she was a hand full and miss perfect daycare lady had a meltdown and said she couldn't take it anymore. gabby was miserable and had been for the last 4-1/2 months and we needed to find someone else. this all happened during my first week at a new job. so, in a scramble, we found a new daycare provider. this women has been a godsend. we did, however, know when we chose her that she only takes babies from 0-12 months and that we'd have to be on the hunt all over again right before gabby's first birthday. so... here i am. doing it all again.
all i can say now is what a Pain In The Ass.

more to follow.
right now, i need sleep. and tomorrow is my day. MY DAY to sleep in. WOO FREAKIN HOO!

well

so i'm at the grocery store today meandering my way through the isles in search of a few necessities to complete dinner. i come to the freezer section and see a perfectly fit women with her fairly young little boy propped up in the car seat affixed to the cart. he is quiet and sweet as she's examining the shelves. i am compelled to check out her tiny ass and slim body since she is clearly a new mom. hoping she doesn't notice, i slide by her and go about my shopping. later i find myself behind her doing the same thing again. i start to think that everyone in the store is watching. she approaches the checkout and i purposely enter the opposite line as to not cause her to file a restraining order. when the 90 year old women in front of me finally, after 3 attempts, enters her correct pin number for her debit card and exits the check out, it's my turn. the cute little number with the baby boy is now in the same stage of her check out process as i. the bagger asks how i'm doing. politely, i reply "i'm well, how are you?"
as i'm finishing my transaction, i hear "thank you for saying well. i am an english teacher and love to hear proper use of the word well"... i think- holy shit. she's talking to me, what do i do? we exchange a few words of how much we despise the misuse of our language. she said that i made her day.
she made mine. even though i almost left without my groceries.
i hope you are well. have a great night.

monday monday

the weekend was a nice relaxing one without having gabby home. we started out friday night with drinks and appetizers and ended with a local watering hole we used to frequent. needless to say we were home by 11:30pm. the best part was sleeping in until 9:30am on saturday. i am convinced that the lazier one is, the more tired. not that i'm not tired when i'm active, but being lazy provides me the time to think about being tired! we finally got moving around 3pm and hit the beach for a while. my white pasty skin was pink and pasty within 1 hour! i now will make it a point to slowly work on my tan in the coming months. saturday night was spent with a few friends who do not have children watching the FSU game and just hanging out like old times. by the time sunday came, i was tired from being child free and lazy! i had a great 1st anniversary of my 30th birthday. my in laws prepared a great lunch and treated me to a carvel ice cream cake, which has got to be the best ice cream cake ever made. ever. and seeing my girl was the best present.

unfortunately i didn't really feel too much better from the cough of my lifetime. i still have the congestion and the red eyes and the wheezing lungs. of course, that didn't stop me from giving in to the social cigarette or 2. i did really well friday. by sunday i had 2 of my own. by today i had 4. i really need to get my priorities straight: breathe or not breathe. hmmmm..... i must say that the not smoking has made a dramatic difference in my ability to breathe and i will keep that in the front of my brain as motivation to just not do it. baby steps.

christian is on the job hunt. he is being incredibly responsible in making contacts and be proactive rather than enjoying the break. we certainly are not in a position for him to take a break and i soooo appreciate that he recognizes that fact. keep your fingers crossed that he'll be employed soon so we can still pay for daycare. the mortgage and daycare are the main priorities! everything else can be postponed, with the exception of internet and cable... oh and cell phones... and electric and, and, and, and.... you get the picture!!!

while the weekend with out the baby was nice, i must say that walking into my in-laws house on sunday and seeing my sweet little gooey baby was amazing. she was so excited to see us and she snuggled and smiled and showed us that the love we know exists is really rewarding. sometimes it's so easy to forget the unconditional love that a baby has for his/her parents. it does become conditional, but right now it's still unconditional. those are the moments i hope to never forget.

she'll be going back for the monthly visit in october!

facsimile

did you see the episode of sex in the city where burger broke up with carrie on a post it? a similar scenario actually happened to a friend of mine. her boyfriend put a post it note telling her they were over in her laundry basket that she was doing at his house. she arrived home and was putting clothes away and found the note. shitty. just plain shitty.

well, a new one today.... getting fired by a fax. and not even a typed letter addressed to the person, it was a company form template with the employee info written in and a box checked termination. then signed. that's it. no call. no formal letter. no nothing. no answering phone calls. nothing. the sorry as mother fucker of a boss couldn't even go face up and explain it. so.... i am the primary bread winner at the moment and i don't make much more than poverty! needless to say, it's not a great day to be a non-smoker.

aside from that, things are well. when one door closes, another opens, right?

here's a few links i've been to today:

career builder

let's keep the baby happy

pictures